I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
