i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What a dumb baby whore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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