The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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