ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
