you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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