Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
