Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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