I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
