mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
