On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
