Apparently you make a good broom.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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