I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
