I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
