I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
