i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
