Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
