Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
