remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
