I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
