i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
