you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
