So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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