After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
