don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
