i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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