as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
