I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
