Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
