I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
