is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
