you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
