her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
