things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
