Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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