Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
