My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
