My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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