She said her name was "party"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
