my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
