Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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