yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
