whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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