It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
