She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
