I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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