put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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