So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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