Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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