all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
