you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
