I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
