fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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